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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Mike's LiveJournal:
| Saturday, August 8th, 2009 | | 1:48 pm |
@KFANY2
Puzzled looking older gay man walks into to the Keith Harrington room; asks what is going on. People try to explain it to him. He leaves bewildered. "I remember back when this room was a bathroom." (shakes head, mystified) "Back then we didn't have classes in how to be kinky, it just came naturally." :-) | | Tuesday, July 7th, 2009 | | 6:13 pm |
Crabs make me laugh
I'm on vacation for another few days in the Tortugas. I came mostly for the diving and wasn't so much aware of the whole pirate thing, but maybe pirates will help offset my recent infection of zombie-fascination. There's just far too many amazing things I want to write about diving, so I'm not even going to try. But I can't help commenting on the land fauna here. During the day there are these fat little 6 inch lizards that dart about everywhere. The look particularly ridiculous each time they scurry along, since they jog in a very non-lizard like fashion but have teeny tiny little legs. The best thing, however, is at night there are big crabs everywhere, 6" or even 8" across. They have a particular preference for moving along the edges of walls and terraces and although they startled me at first, they now amuse me to no end. They're extremely self-conscious, and if you get anywhere near one, it immediately squeezes its back up against the nearest wall, rises up as high as it can, and raises both claws above its head. This is probably meant to be a very intimidating "Look what big claws I have!" gesture. But to me it just looks like "Oh dear--I am *alarmed*! Furthermore, *I surrender*!". This interpretation may be colored by my genuine suspicion that at some primitive level, crabs--like many other sea creatures--understand how delicious they are. They are all, each of them, guiltily evading capture even though they know how much happiness they could bring someone if they were properly cooked. The little crabs aren't just surrendering when I walk by, they're surrendering with the distinct air of a fugitive. If only I could actually eat them... :) | | Thursday, July 2nd, 2009 | | 12:08 pm |
| | Sunday, December 18th, 2005 | | 7:36 pm |
I really think the so-called war on Christmas is ridiculous. I still find this funny though:  | | Saturday, December 17th, 2005 | | 1:27 am |
More funny law professor quotes:
These are all from my income tax professor, Alexander Raskalnikov – a 6’-something tall Russian, assessed by at least one female classmate as “alarmingly handsome”. Yet as you can read, he’s also a goofball. For full effect, you have to imagine these spoken with a fairly strong Russian accent.
“This is a pretty clear case for the government, and yet! There’s a dissent! By Justice Douglas who – I kid you not – was once audited by the IRS and never once sided with them in any case after that. Not once.”
“Do you know what the price is for hiding a large chunk of money?”
Student: “Jail?”
“No. Well. ... That too. There’s always that option!”
“So if you borrow only in order to incur, you’re dead. Meaning, you have to pay taxes. You’re still alive.”
“These are things you get and don’t pay for explicitly. The technical term for this is, “for free.”
[After describing a tax shelter scheme]:
“And trust me, there is a lot of this stuff going on. I mean, believe me, [famous ex-employer] is – . …(pause) … Maybe I shouldn’t say this.”
“It's like Rumsfeld. It’s not the Internal Revenue Code that you want, it’s the Internal Revenue Code that you have.”
( more ... ) | | Monday, December 5th, 2005 | | 8:03 pm |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
Last Tuesday I gave ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) fantasmagoria a friendly lick, and then helped maymaym cross the street (50 points). Last month at lovelypalms's house I spotted burglars and stopped the robbery (132 points). In March I never barked at the mailman, stayed off the furniture, and only bit one person (sorry thiess!) (14 points). In August I saved timmy when he fell down a well (201 points). Today I stopped little_strangr from committing genocide, extinguished a burning puppy, successfully impeached Bush and cured childhood cancer (19,842 points).
Overall, I've been a virtual saint! (20,239 points) For Christmas I deserve lots of petting!
Sincerely,
mike_cv |
| | Thursday, November 17th, 2005 | | 7:52 pm |
in case you missed this one
Amusing NY Times article on the sorts of things real estate brokers find in people's apartments while showing them to potential buyers...
"Still, Mr. Hamilton summoned the nerve to comment to a seller about the human-sized lockable cage outfitted with whips, hooks, paddles and bondage devices that dominated the living room of a brick loft in the far West Village.
""It kind of amused me," Mr. Hamilton said of the enclosure, "but it made certain buyers a little queasy. I told him some of the customers don't like the cage. He said if they don't like it, they don't need to be buying my apartment." The man eventually relented, however, agreeing to camouflage the cage with a tablecloth.
"Several brokers said they have encountered such paraphernalia in closets made over to resemble small dungeons.
"Leonard Steinberg, an executive vice president at Prudential Douglas Elliman, was unnerved by the leather, whips, chains and handcuffs that confronted him and his clients in a walk-in closet of a SoHo loft. But he rescued the moment by improvising, in his impeccable British accent, "And this is where you'll come when you've been very, very bad."" | | Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 | | 10:47 pm |
| | Sunday, October 16th, 2005 | | 12:31 pm |
Is anyone else suddenly suffering allergy symptoms? Damn you, ragweed.  | | Monday, October 10th, 2005 | | 10:55 pm |
taken from theiss
The first meme (I think?) to appear, but it was too fun to pass up. "Go to Google and type in "[yourname] needs". Take the first 10-15 results that make coherent sentences and post them to your LJ." Oliver's results here.
Anyway, I'm going to try to be an adult, and rearrange my schedule a little so that I can do a better job firing up the players before I spend the rest of the night worrying about the state of the house. And YOU -- don't forget to let me know about those 7-digit cost objects. Also, Katie? I'm sorry. Whoever you are. :)
( my results ) | | Tuesday, October 4th, 2005 | | 7:32 pm |
Heading out to Boston now, back in a couple of days! | | Saturday, October 1st, 2005 | | 7:53 pm |
| | Wednesday, September 28th, 2005 | | 11:19 pm |
If the antler site bothers you, you might not want to look at the five or six foot tall sculpture here. (more amazing pictures here). Although in many ways they bother me less than the antlers do (especially if you read up on the history). | | Friday, September 23rd, 2005 | | 2:10 pm |
"With ninja-messiah throwing nails death killer-cross pump action over-under shotgun" | | Tuesday, September 20th, 2005 | | 7:28 pm |
Homage to my favorite professor from last year
All examples below are real. Ahh, the socratic method is a wonderful thing.
Primus: So. Which side should we take here, Mr ____?
Student (flustered): Well, its arguable where you draw that line.
Primus (raises eyebrows): Yeah — we’re having that argument.
Student: I think this goes back to the idea of Oedipus and the blindfold
Primus: Odysseus, I think you mean (laughter)
Student: Um.. Yes…
Primus: Interesting substitution.
Primus: Where in Michigan are you from, Mr. ____?
Student: LaSalle
Primus: Oh! (nods knowingly) I don’t really care. What's the law at issue in Nebbia v. New York?
( more ) | | Friday, September 2nd, 2005 | | 12:38 pm |
haha
Courtesy of mlleglass-- anyone who's ever played a war game over the internet has to read this!</span> </p></p> | | Friday, August 26th, 2005 | | 3:48 pm |
I think of junk mail (the physical kind, not e-mail) as sort of an unavoidable nuisance. But if some company is really bothering you? Check out what this guy did. Also, because Sevina sent this out and it's hilarious, Flying Spaghetti Monsterism! Finally, I'll add this with no comment. | | Wednesday, August 17th, 2005 | | 1:01 pm |
Funniest Book Ever II
"I could kick that punk's punk ass," the angel said, jumping on the bed, shaking a fist at the television screen. "Raziel," I said, "you are an angel of the Lord, he is a professional wrestler, I think it's understood that you could kick his punk ass." This had gone on for a couple of days now. The angel has found a new passion. Raziel looked at me as if I had slapped him. "Don't start with that again, these are not actors." The angel back flipped on the bed. "Ooo, ooo, you see that? Ho popped him with a chair. Thaz right, you go girl. She nasty." It's like that now. Talk shows featuring the screaming ignorant, soap operas, and wrestling. And the angel guards the remote control like it's the Ark of the Covenant. "This," I told him, "is why the angels were never given free will. This right here." | | Tuesday, August 16th, 2005 | | 9:11 pm |
Funniest Book Ever
Jesus, John the Baptist, and Jesus's best friend Biff, at the tender age of 13... "Would--would you mind?" John [the Baptist] said, lifting up his tunic and showing his bare privates, which were covered in sores and greenish scales. "That's disgusting," Jesus said. "Am I unclean? I think it's from standing in the water all the time. Can you heal me?" (I have to say here that I believe that this was the first time Jesus's little sister Miriam ever saw a man's privates. She was only six at the time, but the experience so frightened her that she never married. The last time anyone heard from her, she had cut her hair short, put on men's clothes, and moved to the Greek island of Lesbos. But that was later.) ... The Baptist fell to his knees. "You are truly the Messiah. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I shall declare your holiness throughout the land." "We have to find out a couple of things before Jesus starts being the Messiah," I said. "Like what?" John seemed as if he would start crying again. "Well, like whether or not he's allowed to, uh, have an abomination with a woman." "It's not an abomination if it's with a woman," Jesus added. "It's not?" "Nope. Sheep, goats, pretty much any animal--it's an abomination. But with a woman, it's something totally different." "What about a woman and a goat, what's that?" asked John, looking confused. "That's five shekels in Damascus," I said. "Six if you want to help." Jesus punched me in the shoulder. | | Saturday, January 1st, 2005 | | 12:00 am |
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